its miserable at best part 3

today nothing much..won yesterday game against Catholic High 9-5.i played badly.one word described me best 'dirty'.elbow,pushing,holding opponent stick,staring at them,i was lucky to go home in one piece.scored two goals but was'nt happy with how i played.the magic just won't worked,and my stick was like a body without her soul..she was dead,gone..away with you.i need it back,my strenghtmy confidence and most importantly my love.today.straight away went to bed after school and sleep.dream about you..2nd time..dreamt that you finally understand me...and forgive me...we were crying,crashing onto each other arms.hold you tight,even though you ask me to let go,i say no.is this a good sign emira?i hope so,i say to myself.im still hoping,still not gonna give up..im so tired...think gonna fall sick any moment..but im strong,strong like a big fat sun..i still remember this,'big fat sun'.its great memory,im telling you..not sure if i could continue going for 2.4km tomorrow...i feel so weak,but i don't have much choice.gonna imagined that you will at the starting point,supporting me..to boost my morale..my pathetic morale..i really hope for us to meet one day emira..even if it's just as a friend..but i just want us to be more than a friend...my actions speak how bad my responsibility is...i just want to understand you deeper.that was my intention..but you just make me feel as if i'm your enemy...it feel's like dying emira..when you see the person you loved most don't even regard you as a friend.i'm not sure how long it takes..but it was fun chatting with you at msn for the fourth time...wished you had slap me at the bus stop..so that i always felt guilty...thats all i have to say today...its miserable at best [3rd part]...and still counting.

its miserable at best part 2

woke up.i cant sleep..9am rite now..i never woke up so early on weekends that often.i missed her..but at the same time she is trying to moved on,and i'll move along.i'm waiting..for later game,playing against Catholic High.our next match in div 4.gonna wear the captain armband today,gonna lead the young team to victory...but there's no point cant't you see?i'm already losing,every single memories we had together.your lauhgter,your smiles and i remembered when you massage my arms after the match...i stink,you told me..keep calling me 'smelly boy'.ypu are my 'smelly gal',always...then i went to the toilet cause you ask me to bath..but all the cubicle there's only toilet bowl!i can't just put my head in and flushed it right?So i just washed my head at the sink,put on some perfume,and you were still scared of me...scared that i'll turn into smelly boy.but,i was'nt stink anymore so you let me hug you.hugging you after a game its the best thing to do...then my head was in a mess...earlier on i washed it but didnt comb it.you actually cared enough to took out the comb from your bag and help me to comb my hair...do you know that,that is the first time in a long time since i last comb my hair?you comb my hair,you cared for me.i wanna hold your hands again...we'll sweat,cause i have sweaty palm...hand will be smelly,her goes the story of a smelly boy and smelly girl...then,when i send you home,when we are alone in the mrt,i hold you in my arms..was like hugging a pillow..my smelly pillow.then i can't stop kissing you.its like i was so addicted to your lips and you asked me why i kissed you so many time?and i say,'hmm,good question*kiss*...let me think*kiss*...do i need a reason to kiss you*kiss?*'your lips was like a drug,my own drug..kept me alived everytime i don't feel like living..my lips are turning dried,emira..i missed you..my smelly gal..i'll never ever forget this memories,the mrt kissing memories,cause thats the point when im actually showing how much i love you.but..it wasnt enough..i wont't give up emira..everyone else asked me to give but hell no i wont..it's a deep one huh?the wound in your heart..remember when i post something in facebook:when your heart is broken,it'll always be heartbroken?you told me i was wrong..proved it to me emira..i still don't believe you dont love me anymore..i'll wait.that's all i gotta say.i'll wait.

its miserable at best

finally...get the chance to blog again...but everthing is too late.Lose something precious recently.I lose her.My first love.Was my fault,i know she hate me to the core...i hate myself too for what i've done.i know it's too late but here goes the story of true experience from my life.my pathetic life..we quarrel most of the time.i can sensed that she was tired..i don't want to hurt her any further..i thought that by going our separate way,things will get better.but i was wrong.i never give damn about her,i never spared her feeling.i was selfish huh?then i told her i was wrong,lets start thing afresh but i know that she won't forgive me and will always hate me to the core.it's too late she told me and the most saddest part is when she told me she was so dissapointed of me.3 days ago, i met her.tried to explain things,hug her try not to let go,but she kept pushing me and say 'go away afiq,go away'.heartbroken,i let her go and watch her back facing me as she walk further and further.today her msn is online.try to explan things but i failed again..i beg.first time in my life...i beg.beg her to say something even if she wanna curse me,juz anything.kept quiet,all the time.2 nights ago,i chat with her at msn...right,your prediction is right.she ignore me.kept talking to myself for 2 hrs,she must have felt annoyed by me she signout without saying anything.look,i'm sorry ok.i even beg you,can't you see how sincere i am?so u wanna see me miserable at all time right??well,all i can say is your wish is granted.i'll wait emira.as long you are still single i don't believe i don't stand a chance.i'll wait.i promise you that you are my one and only right??i wont backed out.im sorry.