its miserable at best part 3

today nothing much..won yesterday game against Catholic High 9-5.i played badly.one word described me best 'dirty'.elbow,pushing,holding opponent stick,staring at them,i was lucky to go home in one piece.scored two goals but was'nt happy with how i played.the magic just won't worked,and my stick was like a body without her soul..she was dead,gone..away with you.i need it back,my strenghtmy confidence and most importantly my love.today.straight away went to bed after school and sleep.dream about you..2nd time..dreamt that you finally understand me...and forgive me...we were crying,crashing onto each other arms.hold you tight,even though you ask me to let go,i say no.is this a good sign emira?i hope so,i say to myself.im still hoping,still not gonna give up..im so tired...think gonna fall sick any moment..but im strong,strong like a big fat sun..i still remember this,'big fat sun'.its great memory,im telling you..not sure if i could continue going for 2.4km tomorrow...i feel so weak,but i don't have much choice.gonna imagined that you will at the starting point,supporting me..to boost my morale..my pathetic morale..i really hope for us to meet one day emira..even if it's just as a friend..but i just want us to be more than a friend...my actions speak how bad my responsibility is...i just want to understand you deeper.that was my intention..but you just make me feel as if i'm your enemy...it feel's like dying emira..when you see the person you loved most don't even regard you as a friend.i'm not sure how long it takes..but it was fun chatting with you at msn for the fourth time...wished you had slap me at the bus stop..so that i always felt guilty...thats all i have to say today...its miserable at best [3rd part]...and still counting.